Take Care

My younger brother went to Leyte just yesterday, and guess what? I already miss him. We're really not that close, but I love him a lot. I always want what's best for him and dreamed a wonderful life for him in the future. As his sister, I'm responsible for him now that my mother's in heaven. But I do all things not because he's my responsibility, but because his my brother, and I care for him. I just can't show him how much I care.

I know I love him, I never doubt it. But sometimes, I can't really express my love for him. I know I'm not that expressive of how and/or what I feel, and believe me, my trying no too. My first step was a simple SMS "Take Care" it's funny 'coz I think his not used to it. Around 3AM I received a message from him saying: "We're almost in Leyte" so I replied a message: "text me when you get there, don't forget to eat and always take care of yourself" but I never received a respond, yes I said TEXT ME WHEN YOU GET THERE, but it doesn't mean to stop sending me SMS. :)

There are times I doubt if my younger brother feels my care for him. But of course I hope he does. That one day, he will treat me not just his sister, but a friend as well. :)

Heroine

In the face of danger she or he is welling to sacrifice, that's a hero for me. We have our heroes in life, and anyone can be one too. I have a list of Heroes and Heroines and I can tell you one.

She's the one who gave me life, who cares for me, and sacrifice everything for us her family. December 5, 1988, I was born premature but she's still welling to accept me. She endure 8 months of caring heavy load to give me life. I'm nothing but a burden yet she loved and cared for me with all her life. I lied and sometimes hurt her but she's always there whatever the cost is.

I remember a lot of things where she sacrifice more to save me, and though I was not able to tell her every single day how thankful I am to have her, I want to let other people know that YES I AM. Back when I was a kid, that's January 1998 when we went to Sto. Niño Church and we light a candle because it was Sñ. Sto. Niño's fiesta. While we were entering the place where we can light our candle, everyone was trying to see their way out of the place because the fire grows and everybody was afraid the place may burn down. We, my younger brother and I immediately found our way out, but my mom was left inside because she save us first.

There are lots of stories where she saved my life, and even the day she passed away, she shows me her being sweet and concern. My beau had a dream about her telling him my name, they said she entrusted me to my beau, that she ask him to take care of me. When we went out to buy something, my cousin slept inside the Jeepney while where on our way to Colon, when we woke her up she told us that she dreams about my mother telling her that we must be careful especially when we cross the street. See how she cares? and I know that until now. where she's already with our God almighty, she still look over us. That's my mother and she's my Heroine.

Sweet Angels

It is said that having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit. Yes it is! Babies, despite of thier being naughty and careless, can really take someones problem, sadness and pain, and I have experience this with my niece and nephew.

I myself is inlove with kids. I am very attach to very good kids as well as to my niece and nephew, how much more to my kids some day, if God permits. I have doubt of bearing one someday. It might not be for me, but heaven knows how much I like to have one.

I usually get mad at some point, get annoyed easily and a very moody type of person. My beau and I went out yesterday. I was so irratated with almost all people sorrounding me, I just don't know, but I'm not on the mood to be pleasant with them, but at least I controlled my temper, not telling them straight to thier face what they've done wrong. I'm not taking this personally but someone told something that squeezes my heart (I'll not provide the full details here). I questioned my self upon hearing those words: "Am I really that hard to deal with?" I believe that offspring is one of the key of a person's change of character, and that they can take away any bad feeling you have inside, replacing it with joy and love.


And that's why I call them Sweet Angels, because they are. Babies are a link between angels and human.

Crisis after Crisis

We have our ups and downs in life, but what happen when after the down you fall again? when after you have solve a can of worm comes another problem? and what if your still holding on a mournfulness loss there's another mess? Oh life, oh life... why are your being cruel? Some says life will never be sweet without sorrow, the other says it's a test for you to have more faith in Him. What ever it was, we don't have hold on our future.


I just lost my Mom recently, few days after, we lost an Angel and his mother is in the hospital for survival for about four to five days. Luckily she'll be out today, feeling better, being okay but missing inside. I just imagine, what if we can turn back times? If only time machines where invented, then yes! probably I will. Now I still have to think of many things: I should go out apply for a new job, my younger brother's education, my brother's future, our electricity, our house, my plans, our business and a lot more. Should I deal with it as part of my PROBLEMS? No I will not! but instead think of it as a challange. It's about time to show my mama how responsible I am, it's about time to make her even proud of me.


After days of agony, I come to realize that what I have to do is to accept everything. God made all of these for reasons, I may not know what are they, but I know that's for good. He might get her for me to be more responsible and for her to be in His side and feel better, to rest in peace and found the real happiness in heaven.


It's hard to accept, but if you dig deeper and try to see God's plan, then you can let go of the pass without worrying the future. Sadness is a battle you have to win, because if you don't, it will take over you, and it's okay to cry if that's your way of letting go, and I do, I cry a lot and it makes me feel better.

Know what you really want

I'm not sure if what I say is the one I want. I say one thing but I like the other idea. Should it always be like this? I sometimes find dificulties knowing what I want.


I had this experience again yesterday. I don't know if its because I'm tired, I feel alone or this is really me. I tend to say words I don't like and kept inside me what i really want. I ask someone yesterday to go away, where infact I want him to stay. As a result, he follows what I've said and went home, he left me hating him even more for doing such act. He texted me that same night, that he don't want me to get mad at him so he tries to follow everything I say, but it's not enough for me. I know it's my fault since he does things exactly the way I said it. But should he always follow me? Should I always tell him what I want? Should I always tell him the truth?


There are also times where truth hurts and it may leave your life like a shattered glass. Should we accept it? or should we leave it behind? Things in life is not easy, we have to deal with different things, we have to work with different people and we have to understan different personalities. Why isn't the world made as perfect as I imagined it to be?


:SIGH: I guess that's why YOUR here. Since you know me more than they know me, since I trust you all my happiness, all my worries and all my problem, you know excatly what's happening. Now should I still tell you what I really want? or it's useless since you already know? I know your not an oracle, and that you can't read my mind, but there are simple things I need not to speak.

Losing Someone Special

Losing someone very close to your heart is very painful, but you still have to live life and move on for others who stay and love you. You have to be strong for them as well and live life continuously.


I lost someone very special just recently. Yes it hurts a lot, especially when I'm alone reminincing all the things that happened in the past. It kills me inside but life must go on. She might be in heaven right now, but forever she'll always be in my heart. I still miss her, and forever I will be. I want to bring back the past and undo all the things I've done that hurts her, I want to bring back the past to tell her what I've wanted her to do for her to feel better, I want to bring back the past to give me chance to remind her everyday how much I love her, that she's the best thing I have in earth, that if she's not, she's almost close to being perfect, but we can not undo what we have done, we can not bring back the past and change everything that had happened. I wish I can still hug her, I can still kiss her. I may not have the chance to do it anymore but I always treasure the memories we've shared.


I had a lot of plans for her this year. I decided to surpriced her on her birthday this October 8, 2010. I planned to make a house for her in our province in Leyte, since she likes to stay there. I even planned to treat her somewhere she always wanted, but again, time did not allow me to do it.


I'll worked hard, be responsible and make you proud of me Mama. I love you very much. Please guide us always to make a better decision.